i realized i’ve started developing headaches since few months ago…

now it’s a bit permanent..?

and it feels like everything’s in my way. everything i do trips me in the most unexpected ways. everything i hope wud happen did not, and those i hoped wudnt happen did.

perhaps 2wks away wud calm me, perhaps not.

perhaps the stress will even build up further. let’s just see how it goes.

but anyway one thing is for sure — i’ve grown a lot after everything. ^_^

rocks.

had so many ppl ask me abt the 8demert pts thing..

it was just something i heard from someone… n now im saying it’s not true coz ISP says “Playing cards in school” is 1 dp. yea so i’ll get 2 at most.

if i get more than that somehow for it… ok i duno wat to say also.

but whatever it is, im still very put off. n i really wonder wat’ll happen to the class after the holidays. i dun wanna lose any of my classmates. pls?

i got screwed up by someone i thought was nice.

she then went on to screw up 26 of us. prying at the cracks we barely sealed, with much effort. i guess my jc life is just really screwed up. wasnt very happy seeing certain names in the class list since orientation, but it turned out those names wasnt the factor that ruined it.

and then when u add in pw problems, u get a rotten class. i still love my friends. im just sad, and angry at those push factors, that our class is like this.

EIGHT DEMERIT POINTS.

wow.

i hate the school for letting us wake up so early just to go to school and laze around because we have nowhere to do work, no proper lessons and what… perhaps getting some shit from our “superiors”.

n then perhaps bcoz of pp or isit hh, that im kinda sensitive to ppl using the word “cool”. i find it annoying when ppl use cool as a formal complimentary adjective. it makes the word sound so superficial. more so sarcasm is blended in… u get rojak, a bad one. i dun like rojak in the first place.

and sorry school admin, i really think inter fac rivalry is somewhat inevitable. people in our school is really competitive u know.. but it’s ethically wrong to discard the system too.. so i dun see much point in all the talk abt “cohesion?” u came up with.

last note: dancing today kinda eased my bitterness, a bit at least. anan’s choreos are getting better.

definitely unforgettable xperience. whether in a positive or negative way. mm. xD

at least the food were cool, the initial idea was really good imo. baguette is such a fun thing to play with. ^^

i think im becoming paranoid. always have the feeling of being watched. mm. maybe im really being watched. omg stalker alert! LoL. i wish arh. -.- eh wait. im not a despo. right? nah. i mean im not.

=D+D LOL that was fun. yeaaa. but im supposed to have like 284592 stalkers anyway, like wat i tell everyone ^^ but so sad 2 of them or 3, kinda killed each other off to get rid of competition.. mm. =D lol. omg im typing crap.

i wonder wat someone from china wud think of me when reading my blog… coz supposedly mm stands for meimei for them? as in 美眉. found out not really that recently but linked it up just today. lol. anyway so that person will probably think im some sick shit. mm. hah xD

n choreographing is a struggle. u’re constantly unsatisfied with the moves u come up with so hav to keep redoing over n over again. hope i can finish up/clean up the other noobish 3 eights by… this wkend. =D OH WAIT. THIS IS NOT FAC DANCE. sorry!   sorry sorry sorry naega naega….. bleah.

it’s not whether i belong anymore.

it’s whether i like the place i belong.

my home? yucks, i hate that stench and noise from neighbours, plus permanent news playing on tv and some other shit, which actually makes up the worst part.

school? stressful stuff coming up. PW with no time, planning with constipated thoughts.

dance studio? non anan will be pressurizing, anan will be cut short.

kbox? cant go.

anywhere else? i dont have. sorry

i wonder if im saying too much here, telling too much abt my weaknesses. consequences…? should consider.

anw. stress is gd. it numbs emotions. cuts off any unnecessary brain process, frees up space and capacity for useful things. ^^

but a lil bit of it still lingers

kinda disappointed with myself, for being such a noob after 3/4 of a year. after so much choreographies, i still cant rmbr them properly. and screwed up many times for class today. i dun compare myself to others, i compare myself to myself. i am just too PASSIVE. never having that urge to practice without proper class. n that suX.

and then when it comes to social skills. i feel sorry for myself. i feel like blaming my parents for the genes. but there’s no point. n i just hav to admit after trying so hard, i am still that introverted. why is saying hi so difficult when im supposed to.

unreactive free radical. a term coined by the great thomson aka maocheng. i AM really that very PASSIVE. without a person to hype me up. i just dOnt have that energy. worse is that i try to be some crazy person n after that i’ll sink into some shit, terribly. even bumping into someone at the end of the day, din affect me, surprisingly.

right this moment im alone, sitting in the living room, listening to that sickening CCTV4 Chinese News some asshole in my house tunes to everyday. n that hole’s gonna come back quite soon. it’s become a sickening thought to return home everyday now. to see that face is dreadful. worse is hearing that voice. i just cant take it anymore. that freakin person just sucks in any way. cried for the one who had to endure it all, ytd.

.

just too easily curious about people and things about them.

so unsatisfied when im barred from those insider stories.

lol. now i wanna learn mindreading, instead of flying

it’s the holidays, or rather the last day. was too lazy to blog. heehee.

but nothing much happened also, except going osch on wed. feel like going again nxt wk. *_*

but nida mug leh. nawekvoawvasdj;l

i feel sian.